hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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