sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
