When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
