Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's blow job season.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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