so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She even gives head with a lisp.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
