Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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