thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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