It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
