He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
