I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
