Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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