when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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