There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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