Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
