I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
