today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
