how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
soo... how was my night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
