with your own penis?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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