I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
