I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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