is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
