Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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