Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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