Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
