Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
