like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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