dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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