i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
