did you get engaged???
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
