Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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