Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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