I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
