You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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