I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
