I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
