wakey wakey hands off snakey
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
