he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
