bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How naked do you want me to be?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
