Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
