but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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