I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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