Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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