I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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