Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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