I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
