So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
