Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
