Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
