Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
