She's JV to your varsity
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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