thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
