my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
