come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she looked like the before picture.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
