You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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