...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
