as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
