it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize