forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were trust falling into bushes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
