i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
