Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
