Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
