I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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